BRD:  I really wanted to do the Marvin Gaye/Kim Weston classic IT TAKES TWO this Valentine’s weekend.   I approached multiple talented vocalists who I thought might do justice to the duet, only to be turned down, for one reason or another.  That was discouraging.  But then I had a revelation.  Maybe these folks were meant to decline because God wanted ME to sing the song!  With NANCY!   So we sat down at the piano, found a key that seemed mid-range between our voices.  A disclaimer:  This was NOT Nancy’s idea.  She’s doing this against her better judgment.  But we are, after all, a team, her and me, and she’s a team player.  Here goes:

NAN: One can have a dream, baby
BRD: Two can make that dream so real
NAN: One can talk about bein' in love
BRD: Two can say how it really feels
NAN: One can wish upon a star
BRD: Two can make that wish come true, yeah
NAN: One can stand alone in the dark
BRD: Two can make the light shine through
CHORUS (BOTH):
It takes two, baby
It takes two, baby
Me and you, just takes two

 BRD:  Read for us, would you dear:
 
 

NAN:  Several decades ago, a junior high shop teacher wanted to impress upon his new students the dangers of the oxyacetylene torch.  ‘Pay attention, class,’ he said, pulling a balloon from his pocket and holding it to the nozzle of the torch.  ‘I am going to fill this balloon with oxygen.’  When the balloon was full, he lit a match under it, producing a strong pop.  (Bill, give us a pop on drums) ‘Not bad, eh?’ said the teacher, smiling at the rapt students.
 
He pulled another balloon from his pocket.  ‘Now this time, I am going to fill the balloon with acetylene,’ he said.  Following the same procedure, he made a short flare (Bill or Gene, give us some kind of sound effect) as the flame caught fire.  Wow!’ said the kids. ‘Cool.’   (PLEASE NOTE:  I WANT BAND/CHOIR to join in the Wow and Cool.)
 
The teacher pulled yet another balloon from his pocket, ‘You’ve seen what happens to each of these elements separately.  Now let me show you what happens when I put them together.’  He repeated the procedure a third time, opening the valves for the oxygen and the acetylene as the balloon grew larger.   ‘You might want to plug your ears,’ said the teacher, putting the flame to the latex.
 
BAM!  (BILL:  GIVE US A BIG LOUD PERCUSSION SOUND EFFECT.)

The mixture exploded with such force, the students could hear it loudly despite their plugged ears.  Their jaws dropped as they looked at one another.  Point made.
 
Was it the oxygen or the acetylene that caused the explosion?  Neither.  Or, rather, both.  Separately, they are impressive.  Together, they create a mixture so hot it can melt steel.  The power is in the combination.
 

 BRD:  That’s from a new book released by Gallup Press:   THE POWER OF TWO:  How To Make The Most Of Your Partnerships At Work And In Life.   The authors are Rodd Wagner and Gale Muller.    As we shall see, they flipped a coin to see whose name would come first.  This should be fun:  Gale Muller is scheduled to be at St. Andrew’s on March 2, for a book discussion.

 The title intrigued me.   I am myself involved in a multi-textured partnership.   Let’s be clear on this, lest there be any confusion:  I did not marry Nancy with the idea of doing ministry together.   Au contraire.  I liked the way she looked.  I liked the way she made me laugh.   I liked everything about her.  Love is a many splendored thing.  But that didn’t mean I had any designs on us working together. 

 But then the same bishop would later bring us here, appointed us to serve a church together in Springfield, Missouri.   It took a lot of work to make that work.  I like to think I’m easy to get along with, but Nancy’s a stubborn, strong-willed human being.  And, to be fair, I have some definite ideas of my own.
Trying to manage a marital partnership is a lot of work.  Trying to manage a professional partnership is a lot of work.    Trying to manage a marital and professional partnership is a lot of work squared. 

That said, I have discovered all sorts of possibilities in shared ministry with Nancy.   The Power Of 2 makes sense to me.  And it’s entirely Biblical…

NAN:  In the Garden of Eden, God created the original human partnership:  Adam and Eve.  
BRD:  Having made Adam first, the Lord saw that it was not good that man should be alone.  It was going to take two. 

NAN:  In advance of the great flood, the Lord told Noah to take two of every kind of animal on to the boat. 
BRD:  The Lord designed things so it would take two of each kind to repopulate the earth. 

NAN:  When the Lord told Moses to go to Pharaoh and say, “Let my people go,” and Moses said the job was too much, the Lord said Moses should partner with his brother Aaron.  
BRD:  It would take two to stand up to Pharaoh. 

NAN:  Reading from the Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes:

 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.

 BRD:  Jesus himself was a big believer in shared ministry.  When he sent the apostles out as advance teams, it was in pairs.   I have the blessing of being paired in ministry with my best friend.   I’m not saying it’s not a lot of work, sometimes; I am saying it’s more than worth it.
 
So I ordered The Power Of Two and read with considerable interest.   While the book is nominally about professional/business partnerships, the principles would seem to apply to personal partnerships, as well, including marriage, making it appropriate discussion for this Valentine’s Weekend. 

 We’ll survey the book chapter by chapter.  Chapter One: 

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  COMPLEMENTARY STRENGTHS.  

Reading from The Power Of 2:

NAN:  The key to achieving success is not trying to be someone else or striving to be as good as your collaborator at whatever he does best or seeking to be universally proficient.  It’s in discovering your own exceptional abilities, recognizing your weaknesses, and understanding how someone else’s abilities complement your own.
 

BRD:  This is Biblical.  The great missionary to the Gentiles, Paul of Tarsus, wrote to believers in Corinth about the merits of collaborating, working together, celebrating each other’s strengths and gifts, so that they might function together as the Body of Christ.     
Much to Paul’s dismay, the believers at Corinth seemed to be living out of a very different model, singing that counterproductive song:  Anything you can do, I can do better.  The model was not complementary strengths but ego-driven competition—and it was tearing the Body Of Christ apart.  

I’ll see marriages where the partners seem singing Anything you can do I can do better—almost always off key, trying to show each other up, bring the other down.  No, no, no, no, no.  

 A key to the harmony of the Reverends Davis and Davis is that we both understand the other has unique strengths that complement our own.  That’s been a lesson learned the hard way.  

Our first Sunday in ministry together, twelve years ago, Springfield, Missouri, there was a baptism scheduled.  Parents brought the baby forward.  Nancy and I both reached for it.  She took one end of the kid, I grabbed the other.  The ensuing scene resembled the Biblical child custody dispute where Solomon proposed cutting the baby in two, giving half to each of the contestants.  Nancy and I were able to laugh about it later, turning it into metaphor for our shared ministry.  Any time we’re stepping on each other’s toes, Nancy and I talk about “fighting over the baby.” 

 NAN:  The book suggests an exercise you might try with your partner.  Talk about the strengths each of you brings to the relationship.  “I bring ------------- to the partnership; my partner adds
------------.”   
 

 BRD:  And this is important:  “In a strong partnership, both participants are always promoting the abilities of the other.”  Too often, of course, it works just the other way.   People, even in marriage, somehow think they’re making themselves look bigger by making their partner look smaller.   NoNoNoNo. 
When you promote your partner’s ability, when you encourage your partner, to his or her face and/or to the face of others, everybody gains.   When you bad-mouth your partner, when you discourage your partner, everybody loses.  My advice:  Encourage, Encourage, Encourage. 

 BRD:  Nancy:  I would like to compliment you on your strengths…

 NAN:  Can we move on?

 VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Two:  A COMMON MISSION

 BRD:  The authors ask a question appropriate to any relationship: 

NAN:  “How can two people be successful working together if they don’t move toward the same objective?  How can a canoe be paddled in two directions at once?” 

BRD:  Jesus articulated the same principle this way: “A house
divided against itself cannot stand.”  

The Gallup authors share the story of Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hillary in the quest for the summit of Mount Everest, year of our Lord 1953.  Theirs was not, we’re told, a perfect partnership.  Neither would have been the other’s first choice for this adventure.  

I read that and think of marriages I’ve known, where husband and/or wife or both are aware they were maybe not the other’s first choice, not the other’s first love.   In such conversations, I’ve wanted to ask: But is it possible you wound up with exactly the person of God’s choosing?  Love the one you’re with!

Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay put aside any personal disappointments for the sake of their shared mission:  Scaling the mountain, reaching the top.  Reading from the book:

NAN:  “To stand on the summit, both were willing to suffer the trials of high altitude, to risk their lives, and to relegate their selfish concerns.  ‘I have always hated small bickerings and resentments while one is engaged on a great adventure,’ wrote Norgay.  ‘When people are going to a mountain they should forget the molehills.  When they are involved in a big thing they should have big hearts to go with it.’ 

BRD:  Let’s say that last part together:  

When people are involved in a big thing they should have big hearts to go with it.

BRD:  When Hillary and Norgay came down from the summit,
there was a “media frenzy,” reporters wanting to know which of the climbers had reached the summit first.  Tenzig Norgay wrote: 

 “All over the world I am asked, ‘Who got there first? Who got there first?’  Mountaineers understand that there is no sense to such a question, that when two men are on the same rope they are together, and that’s all there is to it.”

People of big hearts, in whatever enterprise, including the
church of Jesus Christ, instinctively understand the truism:  It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit.   And in the church, after all, all credit should go the Lord Jesus Christ anyway!

Sticking with our Valentine’s theme, I believe marriage and
family is a great adventure.  Husbands and wives, we leave you with one more lesson from mountaineering:

NAN:  Mountaineers consider themselves one entity moving toward the summit—one ‘rope’—when tied together and climbing. 
VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Three:  FAIRNESS

 BRD:  Authors Wagner and Muller illustrate the principle of fairness in partnership by how they decided whose name would go first on the book cover.  They flipped a coin.  They are quick to confess the idea is not original to them. 
When Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard started their business partnership in 1937, they flipped a coin.  Had the coin landed the other way, the company would have been Packard-Hewlett, instead of Hewlett-Packard. 
I might add that Nancy and I adopt the same principle in our billing.  Since B comes before N, it’s Bruce and Nancy Davis.   Seems fair to me. 

I put exclamation marks beside the following:  According to the authors, research reveals what seems to be an almost universal truth.  In partnerships, both partners tend to believe that they themselves are doing most of the work.  Listen to this, now: 

NAN:  To make your partnership fair, you will need to keep in mind that although you are aware of everything you do for the joint effort, much of what your partner does escapes your notice.  If you are like most people, you have an inflated opinion of the value of your contributions.

BRD:  This is a very important.  I’m aware of everything I
contribute to the shared ministry of the Reverends Davis and Davis.   How often does it happen that I learn, only in a round-about way, of something important Nancy’s been involved in, that may have been off my radar, but made a difference in someone’s life and was a major plus in our shared mission. 
On this Valentine’s Weekend, I want to impress this upon life partners:  A lot of what the other is doing may escape your notice.   If you truly believe your partner’s contribution is as important as your own (and if you don’t, it’s not likely to be a successful partnership), maybe you’ll want to follow the example of two real estate business partners who have this in their contract:  If they ever disagree so strongly that they finally can’t agree, they’ll settle the issue by a coin toss.   

 I read that and thought about the Urim and Thummim, introduced in the Book of Exodus.   The Urim and Thummim seem to have amounted to Holy Dice.  When the people couldn’t agree, they rolled the Urim and Thummim, as a way of divining the will of God and making a decision.  
Methodists typically don’t talk much about the Urim and Thummim.  It sounds perilously close to gambling--but I wonder if this was the larger point:  In many human endeavors, there’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer.  The Urim and Thummim gave the Hebrews a context to settle disputes and move on, as opposed to wallowing in stalemate and bitterness.  

I’m not suggesting you go out and buy dice, but I do encourage you to factor this into your partnerships with others, particularly your family life:  When it comes to the famous “irreconcilable differences,” are you so sure you’re right and equally certain your partner is wrong?   And what might it look like if you were standing in the other’s shoes?

 VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Four:  TRUST

 BRD:  The authors write about various trust games.  Many of you will have played these as corporate exercises.   The same principles hold true in interpersonal relationships.  Reading from the book:

NAN:  Trust is a risky undertaking.  Trust involves exposing yourself to the chance that the other person will fail to keep her end of the bargain.

BRD:  I found this mega-interesting:  In 1979, a political scientist put together what was called a Trust Tournament: What’s the best strategy for knowing when to extend trust and when to withhold trust?  The winning model was called “Tit For Tat.”  Very simple idea: 
 

NAN:  It began by cooperating on the first move, and then it just mimicked what its counterpart did on the previous move…. It got things off on the right foot by displaying trust on the beginning move, and unless it was betrayed, it never proved untrustworthy.” 

BRD:  That sounds a lot like Jesus’ famous tit for tat ,
otherwise known as The Golden Rule:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

NAN:  Comments the tournament organizer:  “This is the
property of being nice, which is to say never being the first to defect.” 

BRD:  One of the saddest parts of the whole Jesus story is that his trust was betrayed by one of his friends.   According to scripture, the betrayer paid a heavy price for the betrayal—as so many betrayers do.  I invite you to be a person who inspires trust by being trustworthy.   By being….nice.   On this Valentine’s Day, I want to stress this to our life partners:  Be nice to each other.   It works.  

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Five:  ACCEPTANCE

NAN:  Reading from The Power Of Two: 

Strong partnerships don’t just fall into place when one great person happens upon another whose personality is ideal.  Every collaboration is a combination of two imperfect creatures. 
One of the greatest challenges of any partnership is learning how to work in close quarters with another over-assuming, fallible, emotionally driven, partially informed, idiosyncratic being moving up and down the tides of life just like you. 
The most successful partnerships come to accept the rough edges of their colleagues.  The best collaborators understand they are no more going to get a perfect partner than they are going to be one, and they make accommodations for each other’s human failings…
 

BRD:  The authors lift up Three Keys to a Strong Partnership. 
Husbands and wives, I hope you’re listening:

• We focus on each other’s strengths not weaknesses.
• We accept each other as we are and don’t try to change the other.   (Don’t play this game:  I love you as you are:  NOW CHANGE!)
• We are understanding of each other when one of us makes mistakes.  

Jesus famously talked about people who are really good at
seeing the speck in the other person’s eye but are oblivious to the log in their own.   On those times when I’m seeing a speck in Nancy’s eye, I trytrytry to remember to look in the mirror, and when I do, there’s usually a log sticking out.  

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter 6:  FORGIVENESS

 BRD:  We talked about this at some length in the first sermon of the year:  I’M SORRY.   Jesus was big on forgiveness.   His great teaching on prayer included this tit for tat:  Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.   And Jesus practiced what he prayed, calling out from the cross, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.   Reading from the Gallup Press book:

NAN:  One of the most difficult collaborative decisions you will have to face is whether to patch up a partnership if your counterpart violates that trust.   Common sense (confirmed in the research) indicates what needs to be done by the offender.  Apologize.  Make your good intentions clear.  Make a peace offering.  Be demonstrably more reliable to rebuild trust.
 

The more intriguing question is what to do if you were the one betrayed.  You need a tremendous amount of discernment, self-control, ability to give your counterpart the benefit of the doubt, and desire for a better outcome to turn a vicious circle into a virtuous one.  How you manage your own thinking is as important as the offense itself.  In many cases, whether a person forgives the misdeed says less about the seriousness of the wrong than about the personality of the partner whose trust was abused.

BRD:  I keep thinking about that image we used at the front of
the sermon, the oxygen and acetylene creating an explosive mixture.   Some of us have been in partnerships that have exploded.  I particularly think of marital relationships that have turned toxic.  Whether or not a relationship can be repaired, it’s important that you find some way to forgive, for your own sake, so you can move on.  This is even more important when there are children involved, so you’re not living out the vicious circle of recrimination through them.  

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Seven:  COMMUNICATION

NAN:    Most collaborators, even many of the best, do not realize the role communication plays in creating a powerful partnership.  Of course two people working together must synchronize their efforts to avoid getting their wires crossed.  It’s obvious that silence can breed misunderstandings.  Of course two heads cannot be better than one if the two people do not talk enough to each other.  Everyone gets that.

Rarely appreciated, however, is how communicating itself is collaborative, an issue of trust within the larger partnership that surrounds it.  Communication is more than a purely functional aspect of working together.  Every time two counterparts talk, their relationship changes.  What goes on beneath the surface is more important than the information exchanged.  
 

BRD:  I think of the very interesting relationship
between Jesus and his mentor, John the Baptist.   It had been John who had given Jesus his first big endorsement:  This is the one we’ve been waiting for.   But time had passed.  John had been thrown into prison.  Jesus had taken his ministry north into the Galilee.   In the absence of information, John began to wonder what was going on and he sent a communication to Jesus.  Is this working out?  Was I right about you?  Are you the one? 
It occurs to me that Jesus could have gotten huffy.  What? 
John’s doubting me?  But he didn’t.   Jesus surely knew that silence fills in its own gaps.  And he communicated. 
 Jesus told messengers to go back to John, sharing what they’d seen and heard with their own eyes:  “The blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have good news brought to them.”
I think of John hearing this, breathing a sigh of relief.  A little
reassurance goes a long, long way.  

NAN:  On this Valentine’s Weekend, this is the most important communication you can make with you beloved:  I love you.  

BRD:  Yeah, you need to say it.  

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  Chapter Eight:

NAN:  Are we about done? 

VOICE FROM BOOTH:  This is the last one:  UNSELFISHNESS:
 
 

NAN:  Unselfishness changes everything about collaboration.  When you value your partner’s rewards as much as you do you own, concerns over fairness either melt away or go in the opposite direction.  ‘What’s in it for me?’ becomes ‘What is my counterpart getting out of this?’  ‘Am I being paid enough?’ becomes ‘Am I getting paid too much compared with my partner?’  Waiting for the next perfect message from a counterpart becomes a concern with finding the most considerate way to communicate with him or her.  ‘Is my partner doing enough?’ becomes ‘Am I doing enough?’  If a person values his comrade getting a reward as much as he does getting one himself, the optimal solution is always collaborative.

BRD:  This is a lesson Jesus repeatedly tried to impress upon
his team, the original apostles, without a lot of success.  At one point, he found them arguing among themselves as to which of them would be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  You guys just don’t get it.   It’s those who count themselves last who will be first. 

 Last weekend, I was with my granddaughter in France.   I can say this without hesitation:  My granddaughter can speak French better than yours can.  Madeline Teissier du Cros’ favorite phrase:  C’est a moi.  It’s mine.   That’s cute in a 2 ½ year old, particularly one as precious as Madeline.  It’s less endearing among grownups, particularly those in a partnership.   Try this instead: c’est a nous.  It’s ours.  Or even c’est a toi, mon cheri.  It’s yours, sweetheart. 

 NAN:  In summary:  If you want to have a great partnership, be a great partner. 

 BRD:  Let’s wrap this thing up… 

BAND CRANKS BACK IN…

NAN: One can have a broken heart, livin' in misery
BRD: Two can really ease the pain like a perfect remedy
NAN: One can be alone in a car, on a night like this all alone
BRD: Two can make any place seem just like bein' at home
BOTH:  It takes two, baby….

BRD:  STOP, STOP!  I’m worried that not everyone here has a
partner. 

 NAN:  You and I have both known what that’s like, at other points in our lives.  

 BRD:  But I am reminded of something we talked about last year, Jesus inviting people to be yoked to him.   Jesus would have routinely seen oxen yoked to each other, in a contraption such as the one on the screen.   And he shared this teaching:

NAN:  Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

 BRD:  That’s something to sing about.  Let’s try it….  
        
NAN:  One can fall beneath the burden
BRD:  Two can make the burden light
NAN:  One can find the going weary
BRD:  Two can make the journey bright
NAN:  So yoke yourself firm to Jesus,
BRD:  With him you’ll never walk alone
NAN:  Learn from him as you move forward
BRD:  With him you’ll always have a home
BOTH:  It takes two, baby,
It takes two, baby
Christ and you, it takes two
LEAVE SLIDE ON THE SCREEN AS WE REPEAT